I think sometimes we forget that it’s okay to not be okay.
I can remember so many times when I’ve had even a small breakdown and then I felt ashamed that I cried or couldn’t hold myself together.
But I shouldn’t be ashamed, because it’s normal.
It’s normal for things to seem overwhelming at times, or impossible.
It’s normal to cry.
It’s normal to feel out of control, even when you pride yourself on being in control all the time.
The past couple of weeks for me have been this way.
Certain situations trigger my insecurities, and then all the emotions come flooding in.
Thoughts like “I’m not good enough, beautiful enough, skinny enough.”
“I don’t do enough.”
So I breakdown. I get stuck in my head and basically have to ride it out.
I’m not gonna lie, sometimes it’s hard being single when all you want is someone there who will hold you when you cry.
It’s so hard for me because I sometimes take pride in being the stable one. The one that’s there for everyone and listens and holds people while they cry. But it’s so extremely insanely STUPIDLY difficult for me to ask anyone for help when I need it.
In fact, I try to hide it.
But I think having breakdowns and moving on should be normal. Just cry for a couple hours and get it out and then don’t beat yourself up about it, just keep living.
Two years ago when I was struggling with anxiety, I would basically have an attack everyday and then cry from shame afterwards because it happened again and I couldn’t control it.
We aren’t meant to hold everything in.
I’m sitting here watching Gilmore Girls. It’s an episode where Rory and Lorelei end up both having breakdowns at the same time and completely feel like they’re failing and can’t go on. As I was watching it hit me, they actually don’t address it at all after those scenes.
They both had their breakdowns and then the next episode starts and they don’t even talk about it, they are back to normal.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t address our breakdowns. Obviously if there’s an issue that is the common denominator in your breakdowns you should probably look into it.
I’m saying that it’s okay to have a breakdown and move on.
It’s okay to not be okay. But it’s also okay to be okay, after not having been okay two hours ago.
I may just be speaking to myself here, but I hope this encourages someone.
Don’t beat yourself up for having overwhelming feelings sometimes that have to come out as tears and ugly sobs.
And I guess I’ll try to stop that too.