I'm sitting here in the Loop, our campus coffee chop. I'd call this post coffee shop revelations too, but see, this is where i'm looking for answers, not finding them.
This weekend is preview weekend here at Life Pacific College, high school students galore.
I see excited faces, people talking excessively about how they are going to love it when they come here.
Here i am a senior in college, and i'm wondering what i'm doing here.
I take classes because i have to. The only classes i've been remotely interested in were art, music, or counseling.
And there were multiple classes that were a flop because the teacher wasn't super interesting.
I am a senior in college, and i don't remember why i came here.
Well i remember wanting a music and worship minor, and then getting here to find out they took away the minors.
And now they are bringing back a worship major. The year after i leave.
I mean, maybe God somehow worked it out to where i wouldn't take a worship major or minor. I don't know.
All i know is that i'm going to graduate with a degree that i partially don't understand, and a pastoral license that i don't even intend to use in any formal setting at a church.
I want to be a worship leader. I grew up loving music.
I led worship in high school with my youth pastor.
Maybe i didn't need those classes or minors or majors to understand what worship leading is.
Maybe being trained so closely by my youth pastor gave me all the knowledge i need.
Maybe, i'm already a worship leader...
I don't know honestly.
But i'm graduating, and i don't know why i'm here, or where i'm going.
I know i'm going to get there, and i know that i'll have a degree.
But i don't have this strange passion to learn like most people here.
I've realized in the past months and even year, that i basically paid 40K to come to this school, to come out of my shell.
Ask anybody in my quad, or anyone who knows me even just a little bit, and they will tell you that i've come so far.
I'm not shy like i used to be. I've found out stuff about myself that i never would have otherwise.
I am more confident. I became closer to God.
And at this point, i may not know what i'm going to do with my life, but i know who i am.
I am a daughter of our Lord.
I love. I'm alive in Christ. I am stronger than i thought. I was made for more than i could ever imagine. I get so scared about what is going to happen after i graduate and i need to keep reminding myself that i was made for more than i could ever imagine, and i know that whatever i do, it's going to be completely amazing, because God is in it, and he wouldn't have me do anything that wasn't on my heart.
I came to LIFE, and i found myself. I found God. I found lifelong friends. I found meaning. And i found out that i was made for more.
40K well spent.