The Replacements

Yesterday the replacement moved in. Harsh sure, but it's how I've been feeling.

Ironically enough, the replaced was once the replacer as well.

I had this realization today that sometimes you just have those people that aren't permanent.

Sometimes we go through life and someone comes along and it's fleeting, but it's wonderful.

They make you laugh, and they become the person you want to be around as often as possible. This can go both ways. It can be platonic, and it could also be a case for the hopeful romantics.

For me it's usually the latter.

Usually I meet someone, and I get to know them and for a good few weeks it feels like it may be developing into something more. Something that could last.

Being that I live in a seasonal town, and up until now a seasonal mindset, it never lasts.

People leave, people drift away, and people break your heart.

You go through a time where you wonder why? Why did I get so close to this person that I knew would leave, or I knew it wouldn't work, or I knew wasn't the right person.

I've also been in the place where I ask God why. Why was I allowed to fall in love with these humans. Why did God put such amazing people in my path that were just going to end up leaving.

I still don't have an answer, but I know that eventually it gets better. Eventually the pain of someone gone goes away, and then the space in your life is filled with someone new. Sometimes if you're lucky, they worm their way into your heart.

Yesterday the replacement moved in.

I've heard great things.

I've heard and seen that he's cute.

I've heard he is super sweet.

And I know that this isn't his fault. But i'm upset.

He's here instead of  you.

With all due respect sir

You don't know me.You don't know what I'm thinking or what I feel. You can't see the hurt behind my smile. And you definitely can't see the compassion that floats just beneath the worried look that you think judges. I have been struck down, and I have been gasping for air above these waters. I have a mind that works nonstop except for the few glorious hours of silence I get from slumber. I over think. I think deeply. I think in connecting dots that circle through my mind. The strain from thoughts displayed by my eyebrows. No I can't hide my emotions that well on my ever revealing face. But at least I show emotion. At least I choose to smile and wave when people look at me. At least I offer kindness to those who are worried and hurt. At least I encourage when people are stressed. I don't strike people when they are down, and I definitely don't pretend to know them. So with all due respect, not that you actually deserve it, you don't know me.