What if there isn’t anyone for me?
I think about this question sometimes.
I’m not restless about finding someone to date and marry (anymore), but I would admit that it’s something that’s on my mind.
Sometimes I think that growing up in the church put my focus more on my “future husband” than on my own future. I know that’s a strong statement. I’m not saying it’s every church, but sometimes I think the church puts a heavy emphasis on people finding mates.
To be honest, I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t thinking about who my “future husband” could be.
It’s as if this became the most important thing to me. Finding him.
At some point I think I stopped having my own dreams and just started only thinking about what my future would be like when I meet the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
I wanted to be a rockstar. A writer. A painter.
I wanted to be Avril Lavigne.
I wanted to be a spy.
When I was a child, I didn’t dream about being someone’s wife.
I dreamt about having a horse and hacking into the mainframe.
I mean maybe I dreamt about having my own Sk8er Boi.
My identity became completely wrapped up in finding someone. In changing who I was to be what someone liked. I lost myself to try and find someone else.
I’m twenty-seven years old now, and I finally feel like I know what my identity is. It’s not lost in a sea of things that I pretended to like or dislike. Or in my choice to wear makeup or not. Or if I end up with someone or not.
It’s lost in a God that loves me the way He made me. Who says I don’t have to change to be loved by Him.
It’s crazy how far any of us could be from the truth, and yet God still loves us anyways.
So now when I think about that question, “what if there isn’t anyone for me?”
I can immediately dismiss it. Because honestly who cares?
As long as God is for me and I am for me, does it really matter?
Of course God said it’s not good for man to be alone, but He made us for Him. Other’s aren’t made to complete us. That’s His job.