Made For More

When I was a junior in college I got my first tattoo. Now, for those of you who don't like tattoos I can understand that this may not affect you.

But for those of you who do have tattoos, do you remember dreaming up things that you wanted to get before you got any? Trying to find the perfect tattoos, or maybe ones with a lot of meaning. Or maybe you just got them because they looked cool. All good reasons.

For me, tattoos have mostly always been about the meaning behind them.

So when I was a junior in college, I made the leap.

I was struggling a lot with my health and wanting to be more healthy and workout and a friend of mine had this book called Made To Crave.

I only remember reading the first chapter before I found it. The author was talking about how we were "made for more." No I don't remember the context. But I remember how I felt.

I felt as though "made for more" was the most encouraging butt kicking statement that I had come across. Ever. Just the fact that God has made us for more.

I had spent years dreaming up all these tattoos and never doing it and then I read that line and two weeks later I got "made for more" tattooed on my foot.

My friend liked the concept so much that she eventually got it tattooed on her as well. Then that summer I did my internship in Massachusetts and the pastor's wife there saw mine and ended up getting it tattooed on her foot.

My first tattoo, would follow me wherever I went. Literally and figuratively.

Every time I was struggling or felt stuck, I would simple recite my tattoo. "I was made for more"

It started out as the start of a health journey but turned into my life long motto. I got it six years ago and I feel like in every season of my life I find new meaning in it.

A new way to relate it to something I'm going through.

A new way to see that God has made me for great things. God has made me for more than I could ever have imagined. His dreams are bigger than mine. His thoughts are bigger than mine.

But when it really comes down to it, I was made for him.

I was made for more than this world. I was made for the king.

I follow this woman named Rachel Hollis on social media, and I'm in the middle of her book "Girl Wash Your Face"

The other day she made a post about a conference or some kind of meeting with the hashtag #madeformore

Stunned I clicked on it and there are about 150k posts with that tag.

My tattoo was a movement and until this week I had no idea.

And I am so glad.

This is definitely something that people need to realize about themselves.

Each and every one of us were made for more than anything we could ever possibly imagine. God made us for great things.

So be encouraged.

When you are going through it. When you struggle or when you feel stuck. There is always more.

Know that God wants the best for us and if we let Him, He will get us there.

He will get us to the more.

Life Is More Than What I Have Accomplished

Today was rough. I'm not even gonna say that life is great. Life has been tough.

The past couple of days I have had a couple of realizations.

And the weight of those realizations was crushing.

In school today we had the chance to talk about said realizations. About the things that make us feel alive. About the things that I haven't necessarily been doing.

I have dreams. I have passions and desires to do things that I love doing.

But to be honest. I've just barely been surviving.

We went through a whole conversation about past events that could have led me here to this place. This place where I doubt everything I do. This place where I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Where I can't remember the last time I wrote a song. To this place where I feel like all I'm doing is what is asked of me, instead of what I want.

Once we had finished this conversation, it was as if my chest was ripped open and my heart was exposed. And I laid on the sanctuary floor with my chest open crying out to my God. Crying out for help and crying out for some explanation as to why I was crying so uncontrollably.

I couldn't breathe. I was trying to worship but all I could do was curl up into a ball and lay there, right in front of where I stand on occasion and lead worship. I had tried to sing through the tears, but it made it worse and I began hyperventilating.

Completely alone on the floor, I reached out my hands for something. I reached out for hope maybe. Or maybe something that felt like more. Maybe something that was similar to joy. Something I have been lacking for a while.

Natalie told me to text if I wasn't okay. And I desperately wanted to. But I also desperately wanted to be okay. I desperately wanted to seem as though I was strong. Because I am, and I should always be, right?

Today was a relatively good day too. I got to see the dog I took back to the shelter with his new owner. I got to hangout with good friends and eat amazing Mexican food and watch trashy television.

Then I walked into class and it seemed like the flood gates were opened and I couldn't stop.

I feel okay now. I feel very drained, but overall okay.

I have carried around this expectation of myself. That I need to be exactly who I was. I need to have the same consistency with writing songs that I did in high school.

But a wonderful friend so graciously told me today that I don't need to. I can let my focus slip to other things that matter to me. I can paint and take pictures. I can draw and make bracelets. I can write on my blog and I can write in my journal. I can do whatever I want. Because whatever it is, I am creating.

I am a creative.

I love to write, and sing, and be.

I care about people and love crafting relationships out of thin air.

I love creating things that mean the world to me.

I love learning new things.

So as I sit here internally processing, and then externally processing to you all.

I have the realization that it honestly doesn't matter what I do. If I do it with love.

So music doesn't have to be the end all be all.

Creating does. Being in relationship does.

As long as I am doing what God created me to do, then I am doing what I want to do.

As I have this revelation, a quote from my favorite band comes to mind:

"I have come to the realization that life is more than what I have accomplished and life is more than the realization that we have accomplished nothing at all..."