Made For More

When I was a junior in college I got my first tattoo. Now, for those of you who don't like tattoos I can understand that this may not affect you.

But for those of you who do have tattoos, do you remember dreaming up things that you wanted to get before you got any? Trying to find the perfect tattoos, or maybe ones with a lot of meaning. Or maybe you just got them because they looked cool. All good reasons.

For me, tattoos have mostly always been about the meaning behind them.

So when I was a junior in college, I made the leap.

I was struggling a lot with my health and wanting to be more healthy and workout and a friend of mine had this book called Made To Crave.

I only remember reading the first chapter before I found it. The author was talking about how we were "made for more." No I don't remember the context. But I remember how I felt.

I felt as though "made for more" was the most encouraging butt kicking statement that I had come across. Ever. Just the fact that God has made us for more.

I had spent years dreaming up all these tattoos and never doing it and then I read that line and two weeks later I got "made for more" tattooed on my foot.

My friend liked the concept so much that she eventually got it tattooed on her as well. Then that summer I did my internship in Massachusetts and the pastor's wife there saw mine and ended up getting it tattooed on her foot.

My first tattoo, would follow me wherever I went. Literally and figuratively.

Every time I was struggling or felt stuck, I would simple recite my tattoo. "I was made for more"

It started out as the start of a health journey but turned into my life long motto. I got it six years ago and I feel like in every season of my life I find new meaning in it.

A new way to relate it to something I'm going through.

A new way to see that God has made me for great things. God has made me for more than I could ever have imagined. His dreams are bigger than mine. His thoughts are bigger than mine.

But when it really comes down to it, I was made for him.

I was made for more than this world. I was made for the king.

I follow this woman named Rachel Hollis on social media, and I'm in the middle of her book "Girl Wash Your Face"

The other day she made a post about a conference or some kind of meeting with the hashtag #madeformore

Stunned I clicked on it and there are about 150k posts with that tag.

My tattoo was a movement and until this week I had no idea.

And I am so glad.

This is definitely something that people need to realize about themselves.

Each and every one of us were made for more than anything we could ever possibly imagine. God made us for great things.

So be encouraged.

When you are going through it. When you struggle or when you feel stuck. There is always more.

Know that God wants the best for us and if we let Him, He will get us there.

He will get us to the more.

Identity Crisis

This weekend I had the privilege to go on vacation to Palm Springs with a few of my friends. We watched movies, ate, slept, and read magazines, on repeat.

At some point we ended up talking about couples we knew that got married and how most people end up changing because their significant other.

One of my very wise friends stated that people need to find themselves and figure out who they are before they bring someone else who has completely different interests, opinions, and values into the mix.

When I think about my desire to get married and have a family, I think about my desire to be myself.

It's funny because my whole life, as I've stated before in previous blogs, I have been the people pleaser, the one who wanted to be accepted, by guys yes, but people in general.

I've spent my whole life trying to be what other people will find attractive, funny, interesting, or just socially acceptable.

I have hated country, and then loved country again, and gotten into hardcore music, and then only listened to acoustic music.

I tried to make myself seem tough, and independent.

I tried to make myself seem more experienced and worldly.

I went from hating cussing to cussing like a sailor to hating it, to thinking it was okay, to now where I still think it's hilarious as long as people aren't getting offended.

I've spent so much time trying to be what the world wants and putting myself in roles that nobody really asked me to be in. And I am so damn tired.

I realize now that when I say I'm tired, I'm not actually tired physically, but I'm tired of spending so much time trying to fit in and be someone completely contradictory to who God created me to be.

I wasn't made to be the one who draws attention, I'm the one you get to know and figure out that I truly care about people.

I'm the one who would rather talk about you and help you than spend the time to actually help myself, which I'm seeing now, is sort of a problem sometimes.

I was made to love people, in my way.

My identity is in Christ, and it always has been.

I can live in grace by knowing that I am enough the way I am, I don't have to do anything to be loved, and I want to be a person that shows other people that they don't have to do anything to be loved.

I am loved, adored, strong, courageous, hopeful, beautiful, and on my way to joyful.

I want to live the life that God created me for, but I can't do that if I keep trying to live it as someone he didn't create me to be.

I won't change for anyone, other than the one who created me.

You see, I used to do this thing.

I'm sure that everyone has done it.

Sometimes when there are people we want to impress, we change things about ourselves.

We tell little fibs, or we take on interests that weren't actually our interests a day before. 

We joke more intensely. We do pretty much everything more intensely just so that person will notice.

I did this a lot in high school. 

I remember being at my friends house and I liked his younger brother, who just happened to like heavier music. 

I however, still listened to Avril Lavigne and had Switchfoot on repeat.

When I found out he liked that type of music, I went home and downloaded all of the Thousand Foot Krutch that my brother had. Because to me that was heavy music. (So Dumb).

Then whenever we would go hangout at that house and go swimming I would bring my iPod along for after and then listen to it obnoxiously loud so maybe he would hear, I think I'm still paying for that.

I also started disliking country because someone I liked hated it.

Then I started liking country again when I liked someone here at Life my sophomore year. 

You see, I don't necessarily regret those things, because I got introduced to some really great music. 

But it's when I see myself start to act different, or more intense. Or even louder because I desperately want them to notice me. 

I realize this. And I'm seriously pissed off at myself. 

For so long I have changed the things I say or do, or like, all because of someone else.

Who were they going to fall for? Because it sure as heck wasn't me. 

This person with random interests and stupid jokes and terrible taste (that I can see now) is not someone I would want to fall for, so why do I expect to have someone fall for me, when it's not me? 

This is why I've made up my mind

See, I no longer want to be this girl who has a different personality, or different set of interests every few weeks. 

I don't want to be this girl who is afraid to share her own taste with the world. 

I don't want to live in fear of being rejected by people.

I am no longer the person who is so easily swayed by other people's opinions, or interests. 

So yeah, I like Avril Lavigne. I like Thousand Foot Krutch, I like some country music. I like so many things that I am not going to stop liking because some guy doesn't like them. I also don't like certain things, and it's going to stay that way. 

I was made to be a kind, loving, and compassionate woman. That is who I want to be. You know. With her share of sarcastic remarks and jokes about hating children. 

My God made me a unique person. I have a heart that, is yes easily hurt, but it beats for one reason. To praise Him who made me. And to praise Him the way He made me. 

So, I won't change for anyone, other than the one who created me.