I Need To Get Out of the Boat.

We all know the story about Peter getting out of the boat to walk on the water to Jesus. He saw the wind and he got scared. He began to sink, So he cried out to Jesus "Lord save me!"

Then Jesus grabs him, pulls him up, and says "You of little faith...why did you doubt?"

I think we can all identify with Peter. But I identify more with the former Peter; the Peter before he takes the risk and steps out of the boat.

I sit on the edge of the boat and watch. I watch as other people take their risks and have faith getting out of the boat to be with Jesus.

See I think that I'm with Jesus, and I think that I'm taking risks, when really I'm just finding something new in the boat to catch my attention.

I've always thought that maybe I had my eyes on the waters and I was sinking and just needed to call out for Jesus to save me.

But in all reality, I don't think I've ever even trusted him enough to get out of the boat.

I've been waiting to "feel" close to the Lord, but I don't take the steps to back that desire.

I go through the motions that may make it seem like I am with Jesus out on the water.

But if anybody actually looked hard enough, they would see me back on the boat sticking my toes in the water, testing how cold it will be when I sink.

I need to trust my Lord.

I need to risk everything to be with my Lord.

I need to get out of the boat.

Liebster Blog Award Nomination

Well, it appears as though i have been nominated for something. 

I would like to thank not only my roommate, but also my favorite blog who nominated me imjusttryingtolive.

The award has to do with getting to know bloggers better, and the rules are this:

1. You must link back to the person who nominated you.
2. You must answer the 10 Liebster questions given to you by the nominee before you.
3. You must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award with under 200 followers.
4. You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
5. You must go to their blogs and notify your nominees.

Okay, so i will try my best to do all these things.. I'm not even sure i know 10 bloggers. And i can't renominate someone who has been nominated already. So anywhoozers. 

Here are the questions Sara asked me:

1.) Why did you start blogging?
         I originally started this blog for many reasons. One of them being, I got too addicted to Tumblr and had to have something that didn't constantly have pretty pictures and funny gifs to always distract me from my homework, and my life. Two, blogs are somewhat cooler than just writing in your journal, it's a way to be vulnerable with people by sharing your heart. And lastly, i think i just got to the point where i wanted to share my life with people, whether they know me in person or not. 

2.) What is your favorite adventure idea?
         I think my favorite adventure idea would be just being completely spontaneous. Like i stated in my last blog post, i used to be spontaneous. It would probably be the best thing to just be someone who would be willing to just go when someone asks. I love going on adventures that include driving. I can see myself traveling a few states away with a friend, or maybe even flying to a random country that is chosen at the airport. Spontaneity all the way.
 
3.) What country would you live in if you could live anywhere?
         This question is going to get such a biased answer. Italy. I'm Italian, you all probably didn't know that. I would have gotten around to telling you anyways. But yes, I Michelle Wheelus, am a quarter Italian. I would love to go see the beautiful Italy. Venice would be pretty amazing i think. Maybe i'll meet a hot Italian man. ;) 

4.) What would you do if all your bills were covered, so you had no debt, and you had an extra $100,000?
         HA! Easy! I would buy the 1966' Mustang coupe that i've always wanted, baby blue, maybe stick, but it should probably have a nice stereo because of my love for music. Which brings me to the other thing i would get, the Gibson guitar i've always wanted. It's 3,000 dollars and i would never be able to justify buying it if i didn't have a buttload of money left. Then with the left over money, i would plan roadtrips, traveling in Europe, and independently releasing my own record. I may have gone over 100,000..... oooops .

5.) What superpower do you wish you had?
        I think it would be pretty awesome to be able to just learn. Think about it. Someone just hands you a guitar and minutes later you're a pro. What if you became like a pro at everything... Well, that actually would be no fun. Scratch that, TELEPORTATION!

6.) Why do you believe what you believe?
         The reason i believe what i believe is because of experience, usually. I believe in God, because i've experienced His love. I believe in love, because i've been completely immersed in it since the day i was born. I believe in life, because it was given to us so graciously. I believe in second chances, because i love people and know they are only human and they make mistakes. I don't, however, believe in fifth chances, because i'm not stupid. 

7.) What are you passionate about?
           I am passionate about almost everything. I think at this point i'm just passionate about life and i'm happy i get to have big dreams. I'm passionate about music, and beauty in the world. I'm passionate about the noise the toaster makes when it pops my Eggos up toasted to perfection. I'm passionate about the needle in my speedometer passing eighty-five. I'm passionate about the friends i have and dreaming of the future and the wonders it holds. Lastly, i'm passionate about Jesus, and why he came and died to give us all grace. I'm passionate about the life he gives. 

8.) What is you favorite movie?
           See, i could answer this question, but then i would have to subject the rest of my movie collection to being second best. And i just don't think i want to do that to them. 

9.) What is your fondest memory?
             My fondest memory huh? Well. I can't think of just one. Because to be honest, i don't have one super great memory that i always have when i think of the best times in my life. But the best times in my life would have to be when i'm sitting around with a group of friends just laughing. Obviously not at nothing. But you know those times where there is some huge joke and you all CANNOT stop laughing, and then you just end up laughing at other peoples laughs. And it's just this huge laugh fest? Well, those would be my favorite memories. But i actually did just think of a pretty good moment that does take the cake. =] The first time i heard my nephew laugh. I love laughter if you hadn't noticed. 

10.) Who was your first friend?
           My first friend was my best friend for years. Her name is Rachel. We're still Facebook friends, but we did drift apart. We used to play Dance Dance Revolution all the time, and we did our first talent show together in front of the whole school and it was completely humiliating. We went through a lot together and she was a wonderful first best friend. 

Here are the only people i follow with less that 200 followers:

Love Thy Introvert

Ryann Kunst

On A Mission

But they are also the ones i would have picked anyways ;) 

So my questions for you three. 

1. What's your favorite season and why?
2. What prompted you to start writing?
3. What are your two biggest passions?
4. If you could take a free flight anywhere right now, where would it be?
5. If there was a fire, and you could only grab three things from your house, what would you grab and why?
6. What is your favorite thing to do with friends?
7. If you had full control over your future, and had all the money to make your dreams come true, what would your future plans look like?
8. What is your favorite band?
9. What is your favorite joke that you tell everyone?
10. What is your favorite blog and why? 

The Scale

Always over revealing of things i don't necessarily want to know. 

And always the determiner of what my mood will be that day. 

It's sad that i allow such a small thing dictate how i'm going to live my life. 

Weight has always been a problem for me, and i know that now a days it's socially okay, or at least more okay than it was five years ago. 

But i grew up wishing that i was skinny. I grew up wanting to be one of those pretty musicians who was skinny and had a rockstar fashion sense. 

But every failed diet, every failed exercise routine, and here i am, the heaviest i've ever been in my entire life. And yet... i have the least amount of motivation. 

My mindset is so skewed. To think that the minute i get skinny i will finally find love. 

I think that i will only be pretty when i'm skinny. 

I. Grew. Up. That. Way. 

And now all of a sudden it's okay, well it's not to me. 

Yes i know i'm beautiful the way i am. But there comes a point where i'm not even comfortable in my own skin! I am not comfortable in my own skin. 

God made us to be healthy humans, he doesn't want us to be sick, or to have a risk of diabetes and heart disease because it runs in our family. 

I want to be healthy. More than anything. 

I can picture myself eating healthy, and running everyday. 

But i hate doing it by myself, or i'm not motivated, or sleep seems more important at six in the morning. 

There are always excuses. And then those excuses lead to me sitting on the couch watching another season of One Tree Hill, which in itself is terrible because i'm just comparing myself to these women all day. So pretty and thin and have a wonderful fashion sense. 

I think i've gotten to the point where comparison to others is just natural, and it's terrible, you can't tell the kind of person someone is by the skin they wear. The skinniest girl in school could be a horrific person on the inside. 

I know that the inside is more important than the outside, but for once, i just want my outsides to match my insides. 

I'm going to be honest, i want someone to like me for me, i really wish that the outsides didn't matter as much as they do. And people can say they don't but truly we all know they do. 

I know that God made me for who i am. I have the genes i do for a reason. Maybe the thing is i truly need to work for it. I need to work to be healthy rather than skinny. I need to be spiritually healthy. I need to be better.

So, after another session of my doubting myself and who i am. I at least know that i was Made for More than i give myself credit for. I'm not second guessing God's creation. I know he made me for a reason, and every bit of His creation is beautiful, so in that, i am beautiful too. But maybe sometimes, more than i thought or would like to admit, my insides aren't beautiful either. 

This is me....

Just a girl... wishing that she had no cares in the world.