The List

I think most people can relate to the fact that I have a list. Not just any list.

THE list.

You know. The one that is filled with the desired traits/interests/dreams/appearance of the man that I some day want to be with. That list.

For as long as I can remember I have had a very specific list. To spare you I won't write down everything. But it was just a lot of appearances, and likes, and dreams, and so on and so forth.

Let me start by saying that I'm not here to hate on the list.

Everyone has a type.

Whether it's a look, or a personality trait, there is always something there in someone that immediately attracts you to them.

For me it's always been if someone is kind. Which surprisingly enough hasn't been too many people.

Of course we are all drawn to different people for different reasons and that is totally fine. God created each of us differently and with that comes different preferences and attractions.

Honestly, I think that having a list is fine. Depending on what is on it.

For me, my list became so specific that honestly, I don't even think any man could have ever checked off every item, not even Jesus himself.

Today I was talking to my friend about this guy that I have a crush on. Immediately I started listing off all these things that were on my list that he didn't have or do. And it hit me that maybe he doesn't have to have or do those things.

I think that I got so caught up in what my human mind would want, that I failed to even ask God what he thinks would be good for me.

I have this huge list of things that I want in a potential guy, and honestly if I met a man with all those things but he wasn't the right person it still wouldn't work. Just because we want something it doesn't mean it's good for us.

This is not me saying that we need to lower our standards and take things off our list.

It's simply just me saying that I think we need to take a minute and ask God what he sees for us.

God created us and he knows us, he knows the desires of our hearts. I think taking a look at the list with a God perspective and choosing what the actual important items are, the deal breakers if you will, is what we need to be doing.

Think about it this way.

God could have this amazing man out there for you. He's kind and sweet and makes you laugh and actually treats you like a human, and you don't want to give him the time of day because he isn't tall enough. Or he doesn't look like your type normally looks. Or he isn't a musician. Or he isn't....blah blah blah.

You could totally miss out on the right guy for you because you're too focused on a fictional character that you've made up in your mind that doesn't really exist.

Are you going to let yourself miss out? Or are you going to decide what's important and then go for it?

Good For You, Bad For You, and Not Good Enough For You....

Over the past couple of months, I have had a couple realizations. As crushes come and go, and even almost more than crushes, I have seen how I've reacted to three different types of people.

The one who is good for you.

This guy and you, well, you clicked. It wasn't some thing where you were both in some tragic event together, or have some haunted history. This could probably be seen as the one that's your best friend. You have the same interests, and you can really talk.

This person is the one that drives you crazy in a good way. The one who gets you, and who encourages you, and even puts you before themselves. They truly care.

Then you have the one who is bad for you.

This guy may be a bit of a narcissist. Completely lost in his life, and his goals, and his image. You could be totally lost in his eyes for sure, but there really isn't much staring back at you but hope for some form of validation.

This guy is the one that you sort of just stumbled upon. You didn't really mean to have a thing for him, but here you are hoping that you didn't make it awkward by grabbing his hand in the car, and just wishing that he would give you some form of affection that encouraged your feelings that they weren't in it alone.

Then you have the one who is not good enough for you.

This one may be harder to catch. It can be a mixture of the two listed above. It could be some great friendship, and some unspoken attraction, but deep down there really isn't the thing that you need. The thing that you dreamed about for so long. The pursuit. The chasing. Him fighting to be the one that you choose.

He just isn't that guy. He's either too caught up in his own fear of being rejected, or just doesn't understand your value and the fact that he should be so lucky as to steal your attention for just a minute, let alone your whole life.

Every since my teenage years, I had this idealistic view of boyfriends, and husbands, and  guys that would be the ones to pursue and make their feelings known.

As a woman about to turn 25 years old. I have yet to encounter this mystical creature I shall call "the one."

I have yet to meet a guy who has that thing about him. The one who has the fight. The one who isn't scared. The one who isn't too caught up in himself and thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread. And if you know me, that would be some major feat because I love bread.

Today I realized that the person who is in front of me now, isn't good enough for me. He's a little bit bad for me. You see, I am 24 years old, and I'm waiting around for this child of a man to grow up. No no. This is not how it should be.

Somehow, the three guys mentioned above are all one in the same. Sure three different people, but coincidentally, they seep into each category. You see, on paper they can all be separated, but when you add the feelings and the beliefs, it gets tricky.

You see the one who is good for me, really isn't because we have different beliefs that would tear us apart later in life anyways, so really he would be bad for me, and in the end because of our beliefs, it just wouldn't be good enough anymore.

The second guy, is bad for me, but somehow he makes me feel good about myself. He makes me feel comfortable and he makes me laugh, and when he's not talking about himself he's a legitimately deep person, and a deeply caring person.

And the last guy, the one that I could have seen so much of the world with. We could have talked about anything, and our dreams could have aligned. In the end, he didn't have the fight, he was afraid. He was caught up. And he made me feel as though I wasn't good enough. And in turn, he was placed in the last category.

So, as I enter my twenty-fifth year of life, I vow to wait. I vow to whole heartedly be patient with my forever. Because it is forever. Why would I settle for someone who is good for me, bad for me, and not good enough for me?

When I can wait for the one who is perfect for me...