Surround Yourself With People Who Want to See Your Dreams Come True

In September I took a trip to Switzerland. Again. I know right? How does a girl who never even thought about traveling other than wanting to visit her homeland (Italy), end up going to Switzerland twice in two years?

Well, the simplest answer is that when I moved to Mammoth, I was immediately surrounded by people that travelled a lot.

After living in a place where traveling is the norm and streets are filled with foreign skiers and snowboarders, it kind of changes your mindset. Lets just say that it rubbed off on me.

This last trip was a totally different experience than the first.

My first trip was a missions trip. Every day planned and filled with some sort of meeting with people my pastors knew but I had only ever heard of.

This trip was more freeing in a way. When it started, I was in an awesome city with three of my closest friends. I'm sure when we all lived in the Staffhouse together that we were not expecting to all be in Zürich together two years later.

But I think it was a reunion that we all needed. We needed to see each other as we were all getting ready to embark on a different chapter of our own lives.

So in the span of two and a half weeks I went from Zürich to Laax, Laax to Interlaken, Interlaken to Saas Fee, and then back to Zürich to begin my travels home.

It was a very wonderful trip. That's all I can think to say to people when they ask me how my trip was. For some reason I wouldn't really elaborate at all unless people asked. Then I found myself grasping at straws for stories to entertain them.

I think now I understand why.

When I was staying in Saas Fee with the Bowman's, my Mammoth family, they decided they wanted to take me to either France or Italy. Since I am a quarter Italian and had always wanted to go I opted for that, so we went.

We drove over the border and into Italy and it was as if in my mind I was picturing a new check on my bucket list. Sure it was the equivalent of driving from San Diego into Tijuana for the day, but it meant the world to me. It was probably my favorite day out of the whole trip.

I got to experience this awesome country with the people that I love.

I had real Italian Pizza, a cappuccino, gelato shaped like a flower, and delicious Italian wine.

We talked, we laughed, and eventually we began our journey back to Saas Fee via a very windy pass in the dark of night. In between falling asleep in the backseat we laughed at how fast we were going and how not everyone was cool with it.

A day trip into the country that I had always wanted to go to, all because the people I was with love me and wanted to see this small dream of mine come true.

I think that before I moved to Mammoth, I wasn't necessarily encouraged to follow all of my dreams. I mean of course generally people would try and support what I wanted to do, but it kind of always came off as if they meant they wanted to support my dreams while I followed them from behind the walls of my high school bedroom.

Which I totally understand that when people aren't making crazy leaps of faith all the time, seeing other people doing it may seem irresponsible or insane. Or both.

But when you love someone, you want to see their dreams come true. Even if it means you don't get to be directly next to them when that happens.

I think the biggest lesson that I have learned is that you need to surround yourself not only with people who love you and love what you love, but also people who are going to want to see your dreams come true. Maybe sometimes they'll even help you along the way if they can.

I think the reason I have such a hard time telling people about my trip and the places I went is because the places actually didn't matter to me. Yes yes. Everything was amazingly beautiful. But for me I was just happy to see my friends. I was happy to be with the people that I love and who love me.

THAT is my dream come true.

And to experience a beautiful country together, well, that was just a bonus.

In My Own Head

Two Weeks ago I wrote a blog post about getting to know people and it being extremely hard for me to say goodbye to those people. Last night I had a bit of an emotional episode.

This summer, friends have come back to work at The Station. People that I truly care about and quite honestly I feel as though I was just holding my breath waiting for them to come back.

For some reason I have allowed this future goodbye make me fall apart.

At every point where I am shut out or cut off from community and hanging out with people I feel a little twinge in my heart. Another opportunity to grow closer, missed.

I think that because I decided to open my heart to people and get to know them, my heart feels extremely exposed. It's like I went from feeling scared to open up, to being scared that I'm not opening up enough and I'm going to say goodbye to these amazing individuals again and it's going to ruin me.

I got in my head.

I allowed my mind to tell me that there isn't enough time.

I've allowed my own season coming to an end make me feel as though everything is.

It's as though I spoke out that I wanted to open up to people and get to know them even if goodbyes are hard, and then I'm faced with another huge goodbye that is going to suck.

A goodbye to friends. A goodbye to summer. A possible last summer at The Station. And a possible last summer in Mammoth. A possible goodbye to my home.

But if I start breaking down now, I can't have my last experience.

I can't live in the moment if I'm thinking of the last one we'll have.

So I need to stop.

Somehow.

I need to stop getting into my own head.

I Made It.

I remember the few months before I went off to college. They were a blur of worry, stress about money, and distance.

I remember praying daily that God would provide every cent for my school payments. I mean, he had called me to go to this school, so why shouldn't it be provided for.

My parents weren't in a good financial place to pay all of the payments that the school loans wouldn't cover.

But somehow. I made it.

I made it because my parents skimped.

I made it because my mom took old gold jewelry to a pawn shop and sold it for my tuition.

I made it because my pastors donated a hundred dollars a month to my account.

I made it because my aunt blessed me with almost four hundred dollars.

I made it because my school decided to give me a small scholarship here and there.

I made it because God provided for all of these people who in turn wanted to bless someone else.

I made it.

Now that I've made it through, I want to thank God and every person that had a hand in it.

I'm so thankful that people saw the potential in my heart, and what God wanted to do with my life, and they wanted to be a part of it.

I look back on all the times where I thought we wouldn't make a payment and then somehow it worked out.

I look back on all those people who blessed me, and I want to be someone who does the same.

I want to help someones dream come true.

I want to do whatever it takes so my kids can do what they love, and what makes them happy.

God has blessed me, and though I have little right now, I want to bless others.

Because others are why I made it.

To move...or not to?

So, today was a big tornado of happiness, confusion, and hope. 

I walked up into my quad after my three hour class and set my stuff down in my room, and i hear from my quadmates room, "Hey Michelle! Do you want to move into an apartment?" Um Yes! Was my reaction in my mind. 

It took me so off guard that i legitimately couldn't answer for a few minutes. I was so stuck on the idea of how cool it would be. I was walking about my room trying to clean up, and i couldn't get it off my mind. Could i do it? 

So i walked into her room and sat down and we started talking about it. I said that i wasn't leaving my roommate so she'd have to come, and obviously that was okay with her. 

We talked prices, and pros and cons and it started weeding it's way into my mind and heart, this idea of moving out and living in an apartment that i could call home. But we've tried this before and it didn't work out. 

Last year my roommate and I were going to get an apartment with my now roommate and another friend. It didn't end up working out, and guess what? Neither of those girls came back to school anyways. Can you say dodged a bullet? Yeah, i thought so. 

But this is different. I'm six months from graduating. Then i can leave. If i want. 

This would be a big step, and it could propel me into legitimate adulthood, instead of putting all my weight on this college that's felt more like a bubble than anything. I think i need to do it. 

I need to move. I need to take this next step into my adult life. This could be a domino effect that throws me into real life. 

It's exciting, and scary, and it's growing up. So i'm going to do it. I'm going to take the step, and i'm going to move. 

If my finances allow for it, and the pros outweigh the cons which they have so far, i'm going to move into an apartment and have my own apartment by the end of the month. 

This is crazy.

But i'm doing it. I'm so excited!