Living for the Future

Have you ever gotten so caught up in plans, and ideas for your future that it just completely consumes everything you are? Lately, I've been so focused on what will be that I don't take a second to look at what is.

Last night our team got some pretty upsetting news. That we most likely will not be here next summer.

Now I believe that God does miracles and I'm all for seeing The Station being one, but I can't not make plans for my future.

Where will I live? What mediocre job will I take to replace the awesome one I have now? How can I still be a part of something bigger that matters?

So many questions swirling around in my brain. So many thoughts.

Thoughts like how much I hate job hunting, and how there really aren't affordable places to rent in Mammoth and I definitely lucked out with what I have.

These questions seem so overwhelming. But in the midst of the chaos in my brain, I took a second to stop and look around.

I somehow halted the perforating thoughts for long enough to breathe and be thankful for the now.

Gazing around our crowded lodge at all the campers and staff, I had this moment. I was grateful.

I was so happy that all these people are here and that I get to be a part of this.

This place was once my bosses dream, and for the past nine years she has been walking it out. She has fought and trudged through way worse things than just being snowed into the staffhouse.

Not only has she chosen to not give up, but she chooses each day to believe that there is something new God wants to show her.

So as I try to slow my mind and tell it the future will come and have worries of its own, I must also look to my King as He tells me "be still and know that I am God."

Know that He has everything covered.

Know that my wildest dreams don't even come close to the plans that He has for me.

And know that as I walk, stumble, fall, freak out, and hope to God my future isn't as hard as it's seeming to be, that He will always love me just as I am.

Here's to living for the future while being completely consumed by the now, and trusting that God will tell me when one becomes the other.

Unusual Adventure

I'm sitting on top of a storage bin. I'm sitting here because I'm about to watch a meteor shower and a couple of new friends invited me. Climbing up the side of this storage unit was one of the scariest moments of my life.

I thought I was going to fall.

That my body and muscles were going to fail me and I wouldn't make it up.

I pulled with everything within me, in hopes that I would get to the top.

And to my surprise I did.

I made it. Shaking and a bit cold.

But I made it nonetheless.

I think this is what adventure is.

Doing the things that you wouldn't necessarily do before.

Doing things that seem scary, but fulfilling.

Now I know all I did was climb a tiny wall of a storage bin.

But I did it.

And it was the biggest rush that I've had in a long time.

Here's to hoping there's many more adventures to come.

What Happens When I Fall For You?

As I sit here this morning, a couple of things have been running through my head. One of them, you. The other, me.

You see, lately I've been feeling as though I can't say this. I won't speak up because I'm truly afraid that I could ruin everything.

So I decided to share with the world, what probably will happen when I "fall for you."

1. When I fall for you, I will go completely out of my way to see you. Not in a creepy, stand outside your window at night "out of my way," but a "hey, I think I'll go the long way to class so I can see you for two seconds" kind of way.

2. I tend to start caring way too much. When upsetting things happen to you, I empathize with you, but then somehow end up taking on the burden and in turn am also upset for the reasons you might be.

3. I'll care for you. If you needed something, I would try my best to make it happen. That's just who I am.

4. I'll find it hard to not smile at you... This could make it pretty obvious... But nevertheless, tis true. It's sometimes hard to make me smile non stop so, if you've done it, there are probably a few underlying factors as to why.

5. I'll write you a song. You won't know this, but I probably will have already. Cheesy as hell, and probably really terrible. But it's got chords and words and by some definition that makes it a song.

6. I'll attempt to distance myself from you physically. This is because somewhere deep down I will think I'm not good enough for you, so I will try to spare my heart the pain of hearing it from your lips.

7. I can't eat as much. Not won't (trust me), can't. Somehow this "falling for you thing" is the only thing to turn me away from copious amounts of food.

8. I might try and drop hints in everyday conversation to try to get you to dig further. You may feel like you would be prying by asking, but i've dropped those hints on purpose so that you can.

9. I will start trying to get to know your interests. Not take them on as my own, but at least learn what you like and have an appreciation for it.

and lastly

10. I will finally come to the conclusion that there is no possible way that I can go on unless I tell you that I have fallen for you. This will probably come as a surprise to you, seeing as these hints aren't really obvious at all. Not to most men at least. So you probably won't even know that I have feelings for you.

I'm sure there are many more subtle things in my actions and words that could give it away, but then again, would you notice?