Living for the Future

Have you ever gotten so caught up in plans, and ideas for your future that it just completely consumes everything you are? Lately, I've been so focused on what will be that I don't take a second to look at what is.

Last night our team got some pretty upsetting news. That we most likely will not be here next summer.

Now I believe that God does miracles and I'm all for seeing The Station being one, but I can't not make plans for my future.

Where will I live? What mediocre job will I take to replace the awesome one I have now? How can I still be a part of something bigger that matters?

So many questions swirling around in my brain. So many thoughts.

Thoughts like how much I hate job hunting, and how there really aren't affordable places to rent in Mammoth and I definitely lucked out with what I have.

These questions seem so overwhelming. But in the midst of the chaos in my brain, I took a second to stop and look around.

I somehow halted the perforating thoughts for long enough to breathe and be thankful for the now.

Gazing around our crowded lodge at all the campers and staff, I had this moment. I was grateful.

I was so happy that all these people are here and that I get to be a part of this.

This place was once my bosses dream, and for the past nine years she has been walking it out. She has fought and trudged through way worse things than just being snowed into the staffhouse.

Not only has she chosen to not give up, but she chooses each day to believe that there is something new God wants to show her.

So as I try to slow my mind and tell it the future will come and have worries of its own, I must also look to my King as He tells me "be still and know that I am God."

Know that He has everything covered.

Know that my wildest dreams don't even come close to the plans that He has for me.

And know that as I walk, stumble, fall, freak out, and hope to God my future isn't as hard as it's seeming to be, that He will always love me just as I am.

Here's to living for the future while being completely consumed by the now, and trusting that God will tell me when one becomes the other.

I Am His and He is My King

Bound by chains, heavy as stones Pulling and dragging me back, to where I don't belong.

I pull and I fight, digging my heals to the core

But the chain slips through my fingers, I'm about to lose the war.

I'm tired, and my eyes fill with tears. I look to the sky and a wonderful king appears.

As he stands next to my accuser he begins to speak, and I stand there worthless, sinful, and weak.

They speak for a minute and the accuser gives in, the king smiles at me as the accuser puts MY chains on Him.

When the accuser pulls my king away,

he doesn't fight back but smiles and waves.

He whispered in my ear, just before he went

The softest sweetest voice, it was hard to know what he meant.

He said, "you were made for a purpose, you're beautiful and strong,

I've paid all your debt, my child run along.

Don't give in to the accuser's lies, or stray from the path and lose your life.

I love you my dear, so please choose me,

over pleasure, over sin, over the world, my child follow ME."

As the tears streamed down my face,

I knelt to the ground at such redeeming grace.

This king paid my debt with His life indeed.

This love, this mercy, all for me?

A king gave His life for a peasant and called me His child.

As excitement rushed through my veins I began to go wild!

I jumped to my feet, my king still in sight

I raced to His side, touched His hand, and was filled with light.

"My king I choose you!" I declared from my knees.

"My Father I love you! Remember me please!"

And my king reached out His shackled hand, and placed it on my heart.

"My child more than all the grains of sand, we shall never part."

I laid my head down at His feet,

And when I rose, He was nowhere to be seen.

I hear a soft whisper every now and then,

a reassuring "I love you" and I tear up again.

This love was so unfathomable, nothing can compare.

Yet sometimes I forget that he's even there.

But when I am in trouble, I know that he's around.

Paying all my debts, without even a sound.

He fought for my life, because it has a purpose.

So there is absolutely no reason to think I am worthless.

A king called me His own, His child, beautiful and strong.

I am His princess and in His kingdom I belong.

This world has nothing for me, but tricks and misery.

But my kings kingdom....

THAT... is where I was always meant to be.